Staying Connected: What Every Parent Needs to Know About Suicide
- Elizabeth Banks
- Jun 29
- 7 min read
By Elizabeth Banks, The Village Health
If you're reading this, it's likely because something has shifted. Maybe your child said something that stopped you in your tracks. Maybe you've noticed a change you can't quite name but can't ignore. Maybe you're just scared, and you're looking for something solid to hold onto.
First, take a breath. You don't have to have this figured out. You just have to be willing to meet them where they are at and have the conversations.
Why is my child feeling this way?
This is often the first question parents ask, and it makes complete sense. We want to understand. We want a reason we can point to and fix.
The truth is, suicidal thoughts in young people are rarely about one thing. They tend to emerge from an accumulation of pain. Social rejection. Academic pressure. Trauma. Loss. Identity struggles. Family change. A brain that is still developing and doesn't yet have the tools to process the intensity of what it feels.
Sometimes it's the feeling of being a burden. Sometimes it's perfectionism turned inward. Sometimes it's simply that the pain feels too big and too permanent, and your child doesn't yet have the life experience to know that it won't always feel this way.
Knowing these factors isn't about finding the "one reason." It's about helping you understand what your child might be carrying, so you can create space for them to actually tell you.
What are the warning signs?
Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.
Warning signs can look like withdrawal from friends and family, a sudden loss of interest in things they used to love, changes in sleep or appetite, increased irritability, or school issues. They can also look like giving away meaningful possessions, talking about death or not wanting to be here, engaging in self-harm, or expressing feelings of worthlessness.
Not all warning signs are obvious. Self-harm, for example, doesn't always indicate suicidal thinking. Sometimes it's a way of managing feelings that feel otherwise uncontrollable. But it is always a signal worth taking seriously.
Your gut feeling is a powerful thing. If you sense something is wrong, reach out. You don't need certainty to act.
How do I talk to my child about this?
The reassuring truth is that suicide is preventable. And one of the most powerful things you can do is start the conversation.
We use a simple three-step framework: Calm, Connect, Commit.
Calm
When you find out your child is struggling with thoughts of suicide, you might feel a wave of emotion. Shock. Fear. Sadness. Maybe even anger. All of that is valid, and you deserve space to feel it.
But before you approach your child, give yourself time to process. Talk to someone. Journal. Breathe. Your child needs you steady, not because you should hide your feelings, but because your calm presence tells them that you can hold this, and that they are safe with you.
When you're ready, speak directly. Use the word suicide. It can feel terrifying to say out loud, but naming it calmly sends a message your child desperately needs to hear: "I can handle this. I'm here. You don't have to carry this alone."
Connect
Come to the conversation with warmth and genuine curiosity. Not solutions. Not fear. Just openness.
Ask questions. Listen without jumping in to fix. Let them share at their own pace. And then tell them the truth: that there is nothing they could say that would make you love them less. That you are grateful they trusted you. That you are in this together.
"Help me understand how you are feeling. You can tell me anything."
"There is nothing you can say that will make me stop loving you."
These words matter more than you know.
Commit
This is not a one-time conversation. Commit to checking in, make a time to come back to the conversation and stick to it. Come up with a simple signal between you so that even when talking feels impossible, they have a way to let you know they need you.
If there are immediate safety concerns, take practical steps to remove access to anything that could cause harm.
And then build a team. A professional who can walk alongside your child is one of the most valuable things you can do for them right now. You don't have to figure this out alone.
How do I know how serious this is?
Suicidal thoughts are always serious. Full stop. Even passive thoughts of not wanting to be here are a sign of real internal pain that deserves your attention.
That said, it helps to understand that not all suicidal thoughts carry the same level of immediate risk.
Moderate-risk thoughts tend to be more passive. Your child might say things like "I don't want to be here anymore" or "I wish I could just disappear." These thoughts are often tied to a specific situation or feeling rather than a fixed intention. There is usually no plan or preparation involved. They still matter deeply and should never be dismissed, but they may allow a little more time to connect with support.
High-risk thoughts are more urgent. These involve a specific plan, access to the means to carry it out, or a clear intention to act. If your child is describing any of these things, this is a crisis situation and immediate help is needed.
One of the most important things to understand is the role of hope. The single biggest factor in someone moving from suicidal thoughts to action is the loss of hope. When a person can no longer imagine things getting better, the protective barriers that keep them safe begin to fall away. This is why your presence matters so much. You do not need to have the right words. What you can do is lend them your hope. You hold it on their behalf, you share it freely, and you stay close until they are strong enough to find their own again.
When in doubt, always treat what you are hearing as high risk. It is always better to respond with more care than less.
A Guide for Conversation:
Talking about this openly, despite your own fears, gives you real insight into where your child is at. It is okay to ask directly. Let them know you are there to listen and not to judge, and trust that asking the question does not plant the idea. What it does is create a space where they feel safe enough to tell you the truth.
Here are six questions you can use:
"Have you been wishing you were dead, or wishing you could just go to sleep and not wake up?"
"Have you had any thoughts about ending your life or killing yourself?"
If they say no to question 2, go to question 6. If they say yes, keep going.
"Have you thought about how you might do it?"
"Do you think you would actually do it, or does it feel more like thoughts you wouldn't follow through on?"
"Have you started to work out the details? Do you have a plan?"
Always ask this last question, no matter how they answered above:
"In the past three months, have you done anything, started to do anything, or prepared to do anything to end your life?"
If they answer yes to any of questions 3 through 6, treat this as urgent. Stay with them and seek help immediately. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or take them to your nearest emergency department.
The fact that you are willing to have this conversation at all is not a small thing. It takes courage. It might also be the most important thing you do for your child.
Find a lighthouse
Let your child choose this person. Respect that choice. Knowing they have somewhere safe to turn, especially if talking to you feels too hard in a given moment, can be its own lifeline.
Things to avoid
Hearing this from your child can bring up an instinct to reassure, minimise, or fix. That instinct comes from love. But some responses can unintentionally close the door.
Avoid dismissing or minimising their feelings. Saying things like "you have so much to be grateful for" or "you're not really feeling that way" can make your child feel misunderstood and shut down the conversation entirely.
Avoid making it about yourself. When someone is in intense pain, they cannot hold the weight of how their pain affects others. It can deepen their sense of being a burden. Keep the focus on them.
Don't ignore it. Hoping it will pass leaves your child more isolated. Even if they tell you it's not a big deal, your reaching out for support shows them that you take them seriously.
If you've reacted with shock or fear and said something you regret, it's okay. Go back. Repair and try again. All relationships have moments of rupture, and it's the repair that matters most.
Look after yourself too
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Supporting a child through something this serious is one of the hardest things a parent can do. Please do not forget that you matter in this too.
Acknowledge your own feelings. They are valid. Reach out to people who can support you. Take small breaks when you can. Let go of the guilt, because you are learning, and showing up with love is what truly matters.
Your wellbeing is not separate from your child's wellbeing. The more you care for yourself, the more steadily you can be there for them.
Where to get help
The Village Health Counselling and family support thevillagehealth.com.au
West Gippsland Community Mental Health Services: 1300 363 322 (24hr triage) Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 | lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 | beyondblue.org.au
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 | kidshelpline.com.au
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 | suicidecallbackservice.org.au
MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78 | mensline.org.au
QLife (LGBTQI+ support): 1800 184 527 | qlife.org.au
13 YARN (Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander): 13 92 76
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 | 1800respect.org.au
Mental Health Emergency Response Line (VIC): 1300 651 251
In an emergency: call 000.
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