Loneliness and Mental Health
- Elizabeth Banks
- Jul 3
- 4 min read
The Power of Connection in a Disconnected World
We, as a society are increasingly lonely, not the “I don’t ever see other people” kind of lonely, but the existential “I don’t have anywhere I belong” kind of lonely. You know, the kind that sits in your chest like a throbbing ache when you are in a room full of people and your inner critic is telling you stories about how you are not enough, or too much, or somehow, both at once…
It's no secret that we are wired for connection and there is more and more research that shows that this is not just a feel good, fluffy, nice thing to have, It’s in our biology. It’s survival. Here, at The Village Health we see it all the time, in people of all ages. We bear witness to the struggles that happen behind closed doors and can clearly see the compounding impact that isolation has on struggling hearts and minds. The link between loneliness and mental health is unmissable.
Healing cannot happen here, not in the desolate lands of aloneness, mistrust and disconnection. Like flowers in a garden, healing needs the right environment to flourish. Just as a flower cannot grow without opportunities to absorb soil, water and sunshine, we cannot heal without opportunities to absorb compassion, rebuild trust and experience those magic moments where some reaches out their hand and says “Me too.”
The Disconnection Epidemic
Loneliness is no longer just a personal struggle, it’s a public health crisis. Research shows that loneliness and social isolation carry health risks greater than obesity, smoking, or lack of exercise. And yet it seems like we rarely speak about it with the same urgency. We live in a society that seems to reward self-reliance, individual achievement and stoicism, but for all that we have gained though this individualistic striving, we have lost something vital along the way: each other. I have heard, as I am sure you have too, the theories that the pandemic is responsible for this secondary disconnection epidemic, but I do not agree that lockdowns created our loneliness. I think they served to expose what already existed. The Covid-19 pandemic put on full display just how fragile our networks really are in a way that we can no longer excuse or deny. It has left so many of us emotionally and socially stranded without a map to make our way back to one another.
What Happens to Our Brains Without Belonging
On a neurological level, connection and regulation are one and the same. When we feel safe with others, our nervous system is calm, our heart rates are slow and steady, cortisol levels drop, and the body resides in a state of rest and repair. This is the sweet spot where healing is actually possible.
When we are isolated, disconnected and the chest pounding throb returns, our nervous system shifts to high alert, we become dysregulated, hypervigilant, anxious, avoidant, and exhausted. Prolonged periods or frequent exposure to this state literally changes the brain. Not just how we think and feel, but physically changes the structure of our brain. Parts of the brain associated with empathy and flexibility shrink in size and parts wired for fear and survival increase in size. It is important to note that this is not a weakness or a character flaw, it’s neuroscience. The good news; it’s reversible!
We Heal in the Village
You’ve probably heard the African proverb: It takes a village to raise a child. But we believe something even deeper: It takes a village to heal a human.
Healing happens when we feel safe. When we feel known. When we can bring our whole selves; messy, magical, grieving, growing and know that we are not alone.
This isn’t about fitting in, it’s about creating and showing up in spaces where we don’t have to wear the mask, we don’t have to pretend. It’s brave, real, and at times, vulnerable. It is the kind of connection that takes courage, that calls us to be our true selves and allows others to show up in the same way. It does not call for over exposure or require us to air all of the dirty laundry, but it does require us to risk being seen, being known, being accepted. The research is just as clear on the benefits of belonging as it is on the risks of isolation: decreased anxiety and depression, improved resilience, longer life span, greater life satisfaction and sense of purpose.
How Do We Reconnect?
It starts small.
Say yes to the coffee invite.
Join the social group, even if you feel awkward at first.
Walk with a friend. Share a meal. Offer help. Ask for help.
Real connection is built in micro-moments of presence. It doesn’t have to be grand or perfect. It just has to be real.
If, like most of us, your social muscles feel a little rusty after years of disconnection, that’s okay. Like any muscle, they strengthen with use.
Final Thought: You Were Never Meant to Do This Alone
If you’ve been feeling disconnected lately, you’re not alone, and you are certainly not broken, you’re human. Your nervous system is simply asking for what it needs: belonging.
So, if your village feels far away right now, know this: there are paths back and there are ways forward if a new village is what your heart is longing for. You can rebuild. You can belong.
And we’re here to walk with you.
Welcome to the village.
What Connection Looks Like at The Village Health
At The Village Health, we believe you don’t have to walk alone.
We’re not here to “fix” you. We’re here to walk beside you. Whether it’s through counselling, early intervention for children, family and parenting support, or simply a warm conversation with someone who sees you, you are welcome here.
Our team includes therapists, educators, and even therapy dogs (Patrick and Arlo really are as cuddly as they look), all rooted in a trauma-informed, heart-led approach.
We don’t just believe in healing, we believe in healing together.
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